It's a jungle out there

I know there are those that think to themselves "wow Kevin sure seems to know everything that there is to know,I wonder if he'll share more of his vast intellect?" the answer: Yes I will.

I was recently in the wilds of life, looking for the rare "Nonexistis minimus" or the perfect girl.

I searched high and low mucking through some real undesirables to bring you this information, though con traversal it may be I think if you really delve into the information you life will be illuminated and you could very well be changed for the rest of your known existence.

Sit back, put on your acceptance caps and enjoy the knowledge ride.


What follows is an extensive detailed alliterated amassed piece of information regarding the many varying types of the female creature. though most will deny their accuracy i will defend my research with well formulated opinion and meticulous and undeniable research evidence. (let's begin)


High Maintanance (Bitchus Maximus)



Status: Thriving

Range: Can be found on all seven continents

Age Range: 11-193

Features: extensive plumage,always colorful attire. easy to spot but hard to avoid.

Danger level: Very High (avoid if possible)




Notes: Well I hate to admit to my own short comings (seeing that I have very few) but I myself have been caught in the web of this creature. when caught it is so hard to release one's self from its awful grasp. though you feel a slight bite at first,it seems to have a numbing effect that make future bites more bearable.You later realize your impending doom is unstoppable unless you have good friends that will pull you out, helping you overcome the poison streaming through your veins. Bottom Line: it's bark is just as bad as its bite (but I like the bite! wink)




Ugly (Lookus Dontwantas)



Status: Way to common for my liking

Range: Found throughout the world except for Sweden and the Chec Republic

Age Range: effective since birth

Features: That's the problem they're ugly

Danger Level: very low (they're usually very pleasant as friends, but they always want more)



Notes: I have no comments. This is the creature that scares me the very most. i think we've all been there and unfortunately done that.



Airhead (DumbAs Superior)

Status: Thriving

Range: The Air head is such a social creature, Always to be found in a herd of 2 or more. these creatures seem to give Darwin's theory a run for it's money. it seems that most Airheads are very fertile and seem to procreate often making it one of the most dominate species in the kingdom.

Features: you can always tell this creature apart from others by observing the blank look on its face when something educated has been presented. And when something funny is said it starts laughing questionably with it's head swinging around to make sure it is not the only one not getting it.

Danger Level: if you have a fully functioning brain Low, but beware they travel in numbers.

Note: Though unaware of its own existence the Airhead can become quite feisty when tampered with so watch out. And you may think it's cute and cuddly but it can bring you down to its level of retardation and in most cases leaves you dumber than before your encounter.




Smarty Pants (Condisendus primus)

Status: Moderate

Range: most often found in places of learning I.E. Libraries, Schools, Internet.

Features: Eye glasses and a Harry Potter note book tend to be a good indication of a Smarty pants. most always you can tell when you have discovered this species by its constant use of the phrase "I read somewhere once" or "your wrong" please also beware that most of the time you cant tell you have a smarty pants because it looks like its cousin Normalas Girlus but once it opens its mouth you should be able to identify it.

Danger Level: to your mental and emotional well being, very high

Note: better leave these creatures to the professionals

Girl Scout (dogoodforpeopleus)

Status: Rare

Range: Girl scouts are found all over the world, but usually only once a year they come out of hibernation to consume and promote consummation of baked goods of the cookie variety.

Features: G.S. are always found in the larvae stage to be colored turquoise but when grown can be found in a plethora of colors.

Danger Level: moderate

Note: when in a larvae stage the G.S. tend to be at their most adorable stage. but as they age and take on a different form they tend to be in a more dilapidated stage where personal hygiene is no longer permissible. though do gooders they claim to be they tend to disregard others in achieving the principal goal of helping others.

The Perfect Girl (nonexsistis minimus)

Status: Extinct